a_musingly | [closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

"No, she saves the tasty ones for dessert," he replied coolly, as close to a joke about one of their fellows as possible. He didn't think that she was going to get a different answer, given that Steve was obviously one who was put into position to defend the lack of partner on the arm or to lavish attention on. Now it seemed that Steve was intent on lavishing that sort of care and attention on him, which he didn't mind as long as it kept his friend happy. If it didn't, he'd chase Steve off to go and find someone to care about and settle with. "Well who do you have feelings for?"

He tilted his head and peered at Steve, suddenly uncertain. It seemed surprising for some reason that men were not prosecuted for enjoying the company of other men in such a way, though he couldn't think of why that would be. "Yes well... Stark would try everyone if he thought he could get away with it," he replied tartly and nestled his chin down into his curled metal elbow. "That also might not hold true for you. You aren't Stark."

"You'll have to tell her that yourself, she'll be amused by it I'm sure." Steve said dryly, thinking it probably wasn't the first time she's heard a joke to that effect about her code name. Natasha had tried her best to set him up with various people, it wasn't her fault he had been stubbornly resisting her efforts. He still would be if she persisted. Nowadays occasionally she'll catch her give him this particular look he doesn't quite understand, then glance at Bucky and back again to him. "You. And my other friends of course." He answered Bucky's question succinctly. Steve had been entirely truthful when he had said he was busy. There were missions to do, culture and history to catch up to, and Bucky himself.

He reached up to brush his hand over Bucky's hair reassuringly. That had been one of the changes he'd been glad to see. He had never agreed with laws against homosexuality; so long as no harm was done, it shouldn't matter who a person loved, no matter the gender. "No, I'm not Tony and I don't want to be either. It's not illegal and so long as everyone involved gives consent and is happy, I don't think I'll care much about the opinion of other people on my my love life."

"I'd prefer to keep out of her range. I doubt she's entirely forgiven me for eliminating her chances for a bathing suit and a tank top," he replied with a shrug. He knew that she cared very little for such things, but scars caused questions to be asked and when one was undercover, it was hard to explain bullet holes sometimes. Or so he had heard. Something twigged in the statement that caused his head to jerk up again. "You have feelings for me and we're going on a date to kill people? Your romance skills are as good as mine," he said dryly. Actually, they were probably still much, much better than his which were lost and gone.

His eyes still fluttered when Steve played with his hair, having gotten very used to enjoying that. It was perhaps one of the many reasons he had failed to cut it since he had gained his freedom. "You apparently don't have a love life unless the Widow is still conspiring to set you up with someone. Is she?"

"I doubt she cares and there's makeup for all sorts of things these days." Steve answered, his voice distracted has he scratched Bucky's scalp gently. "It's not like I've gone on a date before...the ones you tried to set up for me before the war doesn't count." His fingers paused for a moment as he thought about it some more. "Actually by that reasoning I've gone on dates with all of the Avengers if you count missions as date material."

"Thankfully no. All she does is give me this look lately that I don't understand and she's not explaining." Steve shook his head, tone puzzled. He would have asked if Bucky had caught any of those looks but Bucky and Natasha generally give each other a healthy amount of space in between. Steve doesn't quite understand the reason why for that either; they worked well together during missions, far better than say Tony and Bucky together but apart from that there was next to nothing.

His eyes blinked slowly at the knowledge that he had tried to play match-maker in the past, though the idea fit with what he had seen of that smiling face on the videos. It seemed to him that the Bucky of the past would have done many things in order to help benefit Steve, and while he was still like that here and now, it was darker, colder and with only objective persistence. "I... used to do that, did I?" He mulled that over for a moment. "So you're in a multi-person relationship now? Do you cuddle with them like you cuddle with me?"

He pondered the idea of 'a look' and thought back to the interactions between Steve and Natasha lately. He had caught the tail end of something, though he had no idea what that was. He was going to have to keep a closer eye on her to determine if the look was some kind of threat or even what it was. "I can try to get the information out of her, if you like?"

Bucky tried but those had never really ended up well for him. Steve appreciated the attempts though he'd always wondered just exactly Bucky told those girls about him. "Yes. You did a lot of things for me." He huffed a laugh at the idea of a multi-person relationship. Not that it would be wrong, just the entire mess it would have been like if it were actually true, with their various personalities. "I think Dr. Foster would object if I said I was in love with Thor. And no, it's just you I'm cuddling with." Casual hugs and shoulder pats don't count, Steve thinks.

"I..." Steve tried to think of any scenario where Bucky tried to get information out of Natasha and the resulting mess, either to their surroundings or psychologically and winced. "No, just leave it alone. She'll talk to me when she wants to." And Steve was cringing internally at that idea too because he had the feeling it'll leave him in a mess.

This was another one of those conversations where he wanted to remember the parts of his life before being the Soldier. He frowned and closed his eyes as if thinking very hard would draw up the memories that he sought so much. "...I don't remember..." he murmured as his metal fingers clenched into the blanket he was laying on. He forced himself to instead be distracted by the other comment and nodded. "I guess... but she might not mind you if you share." That wasn't to say that he would appreciate having to share in such a development, since he liked cuddling with Steve and keeping such antics between them.

"I have been trained to extract information," he murmured, even if he knew she had been trained in the same way and also trained to resist. It would probably turn into a mess, and he doubted that Stark would appreciate it if it happened in the Stark Tower. "I don't mind doing it for you."

Steve hated himself just a little bit every time he brought something up from their common past and Bucky doesn't remember, and it upset him that he didn't remember. He reached down and across, curling his fingers over Bucky's in an attempt at comfort. "It's alright." He murmured as he dropped his chin to rest on top of Bucky's. "It's alright." He shook his head. "For one thing, it might not even be female...and second...most people do mind, even I know that. And you didn't say anything about whether YOU mind if |I cuddle if someone else." There wasn't any doubt in him mind who he'd prioritize between Bucky and this yet unknown person Bucky seemed to want him to date.

"Please don't. I can handle Natasha. And she doesn't mean me harm, so let's leave your interrogation skills for Hydra." Steve said firmly. He would rather listen to Natasha talking to him about his poor decisions or lack of them rather than dealing with the damage that would come from Bucky trying to interrogate Natasha and Natasha resisting.

Edited 2014-09-28 03:23 (UTC)

He lifted his head as the warmth of Steve's arm came into range and shifted to nestle his cheek into the crook of his friend's elbow. His metal fingers unclenched and sought out Steve's warm grip, something that grounded him back and chased away the frustration that only one of their pair could remember their early days. He drew a deep breath and held it, appreciating the comfort and aware that he was probably acting like this because he was still slightly tired from going a week without sleep and worrying over his friend. "I... if it made you happy, you can cuddle whoever you like," he replied evasively. That was the only reason he wouldn't guard Steve for himself for such instances.

He nodded, relenting and aware that there would not be enough cleaner to purge a room that the two of them had engaged in their trades in. He simply nestled his cheek deeper into Steve's elbow. "When will we hunt?"

Steve's hand squeezes back on he metal fingers reassuringly and rubbed his thumb against the the back of a metal thumb. He was never sure just how much Bucky could feel with the metal arm but his friend seemed to find it comforting when he did this so he continued. He sighed and shook his head. "Remember what I said earlier about not being happy unless you were? So no, I won't be cuddling anyone but you." He could tell by the evasive way Bucky answered that the true answer was a clear 'yes' to his earlier question. It wasn't like this was a hard thing to give up; he's happy enough to have whatever he has right now with Bucky.

"Hmm? I want to see what data Coulson has first....talk to Natasha and see what she can get from her contacts too. Maybe a week?" Enough time for both of them to recover from last week and prepare for their 'date'. "Do you need any gear or anything else?" So far, Bucky has been using his own.

His shoulders relaxed in the face of Steve's assurances, uncaring that his dependence on his friend had hit such a level, that he wanted only to be close to Steve. His friend was the only one to bring him warmth and comfort, to provide for him in a way that HYDRA never could, to give him something that he couldn't describe in words but latched onto all the same. "Okay," he said and suddenly wedged himself harder under Steve's weight on his back, working himself to crawl right underneath the press of Steve's hips and thighs as well. It was generally his territory, but he was curious about what it felt like too.

He hummed in agreement because he recognized that going after any element of HYDRA was dangerous for them both and he needed to be fully primed for the mission. "I can agree with a week," he said with a nod of his head still against Steve's arm. "No, my equipment will suffice, and HYDRA should know that the winter is coming and is as merciless as ever."

It was wrong, he knew, wrong and selfish. He should be encouraging Bucky to be going out making new friends, new connections, to step out of his shadow. But he likes it ~~too much~~ when comes to him for comfort and warmth, he likes it when he can feed Bucky good food and watch his very visible enjoyment of it and when the cuddle up close in the cushion fort like they are doing now. He sleeps better these days, when Bucky is curled up close to him in bed. There are less nightmares of ice and snow and falling, not when there is a warm weight on him anchoring him in the present. He grunted as Bucky starts wiggling to get underneath him until his thighs were bracketing Bucky's and hips aligned with his instead of the half-on, half-off position they were currently in. "I'm too heavy Bucky...you can't be comfortable like this."

Steve snorted, a bit amused. Hydra certainly would be when their former weapon has regained himself and is not hunting them back. "I'm sure Hydra will find that comforting. But tell me if you need anything, alright? I don't want you going out in less than the best gear." Bucky seemed to be doing alright with what he has but he couldn't help but worry.

Right now, there was no reason to slip out beyond Steve and by extension the Avengers for the time being. He was finally getting some sense of normal and order to his life that wasn't based solely on being ordered around or waiting for the next time he was wiped clean or frozen for the next time he was useful. Perhaps he would decide to slip out from the shadows when he felt ready, but right now, he content as he was. He was also more than comfortable wedged under Steve's entire weight, his body pressed hard into the blanket he was laying on. "I'm comfortable, so stay where you are," he said with a small glance. "I sleep on you and you don't complain, so why can't we do it the other way around?"

He knew that HYDRA would not find him hunting to be of any comfort, least of all if he was followed or lead into every combat with Steve. There was no agent that could stand up to them both. "I'm in need of nothing except perhaps some ammunition," he said with a shrug. He should get his arm maintained, but there was no one with the knowledge available on what he carried.

Someday when Bucky finally felt comfortable with himself to step out of the shadows he'll still be there. Perhaps then he'll be able to make himself let go ~~a little~~. He will miss the cuddling though perhaps he will still be able to feed Bucky occasionally. "You're fine now but I'm bigger and heavier than you are, Bucky." Steve answered, a note of concern in his voice but he stays perfectly still on top of Bucky as ordered, trying to give Bucky the closeness he wants but not drop his entire weight on Bucky's body.

Steve wasn't built for covert operations but Hydra hunting wouldn't be entirely one and the rest he can learn how to deal with on the fly. He knows Bucky will cover the rest. "That's easy enough. Your arm?" Bucwasn't built for ky still didn't want anyone touching his arm and he understood why but if it needed maintenance, there was only Tony who he trusted that had the knowledge on how to do it.

He considered himself well settled under Steve's weight and while he knew that it wasn't entirely pressing down on him, he made no mention of it. It felt a little strange to be under Steve's larger weight after all, held down and secure but also fully covered by Steve's broad shoulders and the way that his friend's thighs bracketed his own in too. "It doesn't matter, I can support your weight just fine. Stop worrying and settle down on me," he ordered with a little glare at his friend. "I'm not going to be crushed by you."

He was more than content to take the covert aspects of the missions that they took on, and he knew that nothing would stop Steve from helping him all the same. Yet, he hesitated in mentioning his arm, tucking it closer to his body as he nestled his face deeper into Steve's arm instead. "It's functional. It will be fine on the upcoming missions that we do... but it will require maintenance in the next few weeks." He had noted it was slowing a bit, but compensated enough not to worry about it.

If he was still seventy pounds soaking wet Steve would have less fear about settling down on top of Bucky like this (though he didn't think it would have been any less comfortable, he'd been rather bony back then). Seeing Bucky's glare, he folded like a wet tissue. "Alright, alright! But you tell me the minute it gets uncomfortable, alright?" Slowly he let himself drop his entire weight down on his friend's body, giving Bucky time to object (though he knew Bucky was too stubborn to even if it was at this point). "Next time we spar in the gym remind me not to let you up so fast when I pin you down since you like this so much." He commented sarcastically.

"Didn't we have this conversation already? Functional is not optimal! I want you optimal at all times, especially before we go out on a mission." He sighed and rested his chin on top of Bucky's shoulders, knowing that Bucky isn't going to like his next suggestion. "I know that Tony can be...overenthusiastic, but he IS trustworthy and he does know what he's doing. Let him take a look at your arm. I promise I'll be there to watch him not to do anything you don't want. JUST basic maintenance."

He hummed in pleasure that getting his way in this matter, though he knew he could technically get his way in all matters if he put his efforts to it. He released a soft 'oof' sound just for effect when Steve's muscled weight settled entirely down on top of him, and his friend was heavy but not uncomfortably so. He had been pinned down by a steel support beam on the helicarrier and that had been an uncomfortable weight. This was... comforting, and he stretched out his legs a little more along Steve's. "Mmm, you'd have to successfully pin me first, which we both know you struggle to do."

They had had such a conversation more than once he thought, and it appeared they were going to have it again right now. "It's perfectly functional and I'm optimal," he grumbled, mostly because he was delaying letting anyone even come close to his arm, especially when he knew who Steve was going to suggest for the job. "No, besides you all have a bet riding on him getting his hands on it, and it's just needing maintenance, which can be delayed. It's not like my arm is broken." Yet, though he didn't expect it to malfunction.

Steve knew he was giving in far too easily but it was hard to say no, especially when Bucky look so pleased every time. He rolled his eyes at the 'oof' noise, knowing it was only done to poke him. He shifted a bit uneasily as Bucky stretched his legs out against his causing Bucky's ass to rub against his groin but he settled again when Bucky stilled once more. "I'll try harder next time. Maybe practice with Natasha first and get her to give me some tips."

Sometimes it felt like they were always going to be repeating the same conversations over and over again, as both of them were too stubborn on certain topics. In this case Steve was one hundred percent certain he was right. "If it makes you feel better I will have that bet stopped. Or I will put in money on the exact date and time you go in, take the entire pot and give it to you." Steve said exasperated, knowing that the bet was just an excuse. "Delaying needed maintenance is not good for you. Why delay when a bit of discomfort now can safe you so much trouble later on? And I can't risk it malfunctioning during a mission!"

It was quite easy to find a comfortable spot when he was so limited in moving. In some regards, it reminded him of his cryotube that he was placed in, and it had always been a secure place. "I could give you tips if you really wanted some, since I can take you at full strength and not suffer as she would," he replied, a bit stung that his own expertise on hand-to-hand was overlooked. Perhaps he was just monopolizing Steve's time too much, which made him relent immediately. "She does... have nice legs though... or something."

He didn't want the bet stopped, and he didn't want Tony to look at his arm. Years of training had impressed upon him that his metal arm was a thing where only assigned technicians could work on it, and Stark definitely didn't fit the bill for that. He preferred to keep his parts to himself, reluctant even for Bruce to tend him when injured, finding himself protective of his own body in a way that he had never been allowed at HYDRA. "I know what's good for me, and for once in my life, I get a choice on if I want to do something with parts of myself," he replied. "It has been sure and true on missions; I will have it maintained at the end of the month."

Steve hadn't been trying to discount Bucky's skills; it had simply been a stray thought he'd been thinking about in relation to sparring. He sparred with regularly with the other Avengers all the time, even Tony (in his suit) and with the exception of Dr. Banner. "I know you can. But if I want tips on improving my chances against you it's logical to ask her instead." Steve sighed and rubbed his cheek absently against the edge of one shoulder. "She does have very nice legs but again, you should tell her that yourself. She won't be mad about that."

When put it that way, how could he continue insisting that Bucky go to Tony for work on the arm? Because Bucky was right, it was his arm, his body and only he could decided who and when and if he wanted something done, especially when Hydra had taken so many other things away from Bucky already. "Alright. But the minute I see anything that can compromise you during a mission, you'll going to Tony straight off, regardless of at what point we were in during the mission. And I'll be telling you 'I told you so' afterwards." Steve made a note to himself to keep a firm eye on the arm in the next week. Bucky's health has far higher priority than stray Hydra agents in hiding.

He nodded, the sensation of hotness on his cheeks attracting his attention because he had never been jealous or embarrassed before. He knew that he had no right to keep Steve away from the others, except for when it was time to sleep and cuddle together. He had come to understand that was their time and reserved for him alone. "Yes, I suppose it is logical, and she would help." And no, he was not saying anything about her legs unless he was going to have to apologize in future for breaking them or something. Not that he planned to.

With the week that he had, he couldn't face a maintenance check on top of it all. He wanted to stay near Steve and not be around the others, though he would tolerate it because of his friend's sake. Right now, here pressed under the heavy set of Steve's weight, he was safe. He frowned a bit at the threat, but he knew better than to protest. "I won't be compromised on any missions. It's working just fine," he said, and didn't add it was just a bit slow to respond for some actions.

Steve stared, fascinated by the redness in Bucky's cheeks. Bucky showed so very little outward emotion compared to before and he couldn't help but drag a thumb slowly across the skin where he could see the flush. Bucky was...jealous or embarrassed? "There's no need to be jealous...yes, she I find her aesthetically pleasing but I don't want to sleep or cuddle with her and I highly doubt she wants to with me. Actually...." He paused and thought some more about the looks she's been sending him lately. "I think she finds me just a bit on the stupid side."

He won't be able to stay in the entire week, there were reports to file, data to look through and certain people to talk to if they want to make a private mission of Hydra hunting next week but otherwise Steve wasn't going to move very much outside the apartment other than for his daily runs and other necessities. "I'll take your word for it. Just remember what I said."

He lifted his head a little when he felt Steve's thumb against his cheek and it only caused the foreign reaction to become even more pronounced, spreading from his cheeks to his whole face. He shifted to turn his face away from the touch, hoping that it would reduce how hot his face suddenly felt. "I'm not jealous," he replied stubbornly, mostly because he had no idea what being jealous felt like, not really, not until now. Was that really what he was experiencing? "Why would she think you're stupid? You're very intelligent," he said, coming to Steve's defense immediately.

He would need to get out of the apartment as well or else he'd to stir crazy sitting in one place. He would be certain not to test the capabilities of his prosthetic in front of Steve or risk getting disapproving looks or worse, nagging. "I'll remember. I don't forget as easily anymore."

Steve watched, mesmerized at the spreading blush, only withdrawing his hand when Bucky turned his head away even though he would have liked to follow the blush with his hand. "You're blushing." He pointed out. "It's alright...it's a very human, a natural thing to feel. To be protective over something you feel strongly for. So I'm flattered, really." Not one of the better emotions because it could get very ugly but still human. So he was glad that Bucky could start showing his feelings like this again to him, even if it was over something like this.

"I'm flattered you think so but there's many different kinds of intelligence." He freely admitted he could be really stupid when it comes to people and the way they think and react. Natasha on the other hand would recognize, analyze and understand the hows and whys of a person's behaviour within minutes of meeting someone, was trained to do so in fact.

He struggled with the idea that he was blushing, that the heat that made his head feel hot happened to result in the same reaction that he had seen on Steve's face many times before. He poked his own cheek, feeling the heat of it and apparently acknowledging it only made it linger for longer. "Am I malfunctioning? I've never blushed before," he murmured with a hint of uncertainty in his voice. He wanted to be normal, he really did, but he couldn't explain his sudden reaction to even himself because he didn't consider the Widow a threat to what he had cultivated with Steve. "It's... good that I'm protective of you? That's alright to feel?"

He knew that, though most of the intelligence that he was used to had nothing to do with relationships and such. He was generally good at reading body language for hostility, weakness and confusion. "You're still smart," he said as he shifted under Steve, a sigh of contentment leaving him.

[closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

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