a_musingly | [closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

Steve's hand squeezes back on he metal fingers reassuringly and rubbed his thumb against the the back of a metal thumb. He was never sure just how much Bucky could feel with the metal arm but his friend seemed to find it comforting when he did this so he continued. He sighed and shook his head. "Remember what I said earlier about not being happy unless you were? So no, I won't be cuddling anyone but you." He could tell by the evasive way Bucky answered that the true answer was a clear 'yes' to his earlier question. It wasn't like this was a hard thing to give up; he's happy enough to have whatever he has right now with Bucky.

"Hmm? I want to see what data Coulson has first....talk to Natasha and see what she can get from her contacts too. Maybe a week?" Enough time for both of them to recover from last week and prepare for their 'date'. "Do you need any gear or anything else?" So far, Bucky has been using his own.

His shoulders relaxed in the face of Steve's assurances, uncaring that his dependence on his friend had hit such a level, that he wanted only to be close to Steve. His friend was the only one to bring him warmth and comfort, to provide for him in a way that HYDRA never could, to give him something that he couldn't describe in words but latched onto all the same. "Okay," he said and suddenly wedged himself harder under Steve's weight on his back, working himself to crawl right underneath the press of Steve's hips and thighs as well. It was generally his territory, but he was curious about what it felt like too.

He hummed in agreement because he recognized that going after any element of HYDRA was dangerous for them both and he needed to be fully primed for the mission. "I can agree with a week," he said with a nod of his head still against Steve's arm. "No, my equipment will suffice, and HYDRA should know that the winter is coming and is as merciless as ever."

It was wrong, he knew, wrong and selfish. He should be encouraging Bucky to be going out making new friends, new connections, to step out of his shadow. But he likes it ~~too much~~ when comes to him for comfort and warmth, he likes it when he can feed Bucky good food and watch his very visible enjoyment of it and when the cuddle up close in the cushion fort like they are doing now. He sleeps better these days, when Bucky is curled up close to him in bed. There are less nightmares of ice and snow and falling, not when there is a warm weight on him anchoring him in the present. He grunted as Bucky starts wiggling to get underneath him until his thighs were bracketing Bucky's and hips aligned with his instead of the half-on, half-off position they were currently in. "I'm too heavy Bucky...you can't be comfortable like this."

Steve snorted, a bit amused. Hydra certainly would be when their former weapon has regained himself and is not hunting them back. "I'm sure Hydra will find that comforting. But tell me if you need anything, alright? I don't want you going out in less than the best gear." Bucky seemed to be doing alright with what he has but he couldn't help but worry.

Right now, there was no reason to slip out beyond Steve and by extension the Avengers for the time being. He was finally getting some sense of normal and order to his life that wasn't based solely on being ordered around or waiting for the next time he was wiped clean or frozen for the next time he was useful. Perhaps he would decide to slip out from the shadows when he felt ready, but right now, he content as he was. He was also more than comfortable wedged under Steve's entire weight, his body pressed hard into the blanket he was laying on. "I'm comfortable, so stay where you are," he said with a small glance. "I sleep on you and you don't complain, so why can't we do it the other way around?"

He knew that HYDRA would not find him hunting to be of any comfort, least of all if he was followed or lead into every combat with Steve. There was no agent that could stand up to them both. "I'm in need of nothing except perhaps some ammunition," he said with a shrug. He should get his arm maintained, but there was no one with the knowledge available on what he carried.

Someday when Bucky finally felt comfortable with himself to step out of the shadows he'll still be there. Perhaps then he'll be able to make himself let go ~~a little~~. He will miss the cuddling though perhaps he will still be able to feed Bucky occasionally. "You're fine now but I'm bigger and heavier than you are, Bucky." Steve answered, a note of concern in his voice but he stays perfectly still on top of Bucky as ordered, trying to give Bucky the closeness he wants but not drop his entire weight on Bucky's body.

Steve wasn't built for covert operations but Hydra hunting wouldn't be entirely one and the rest he can learn how to deal with on the fly. He knows Bucky will cover the rest. "That's easy enough. Your arm?" Bucwasn't built for ky still didn't want anyone touching his arm and he understood why but if it needed maintenance, there was only Tony who he trusted that had the knowledge on how to do it.

He considered himself well settled under Steve's weight and while he knew that it wasn't entirely pressing down on him, he made no mention of it. It felt a little strange to be under Steve's larger weight after all, held down and secure but also fully covered by Steve's broad shoulders and the way that his friend's thighs bracketed his own in too. "It doesn't matter, I can support your weight just fine. Stop worrying and settle down on me," he ordered with a little glare at his friend. "I'm not going to be crushed by you."

He was more than content to take the covert aspects of the missions that they took on, and he knew that nothing would stop Steve from helping him all the same. Yet, he hesitated in mentioning his arm, tucking it closer to his body as he nestled his face deeper into Steve's arm instead. "It's functional. It will be fine on the upcoming missions that we do... but it will require maintenance in the next few weeks." He had noted it was slowing a bit, but compensated enough not to worry about it.

If he was still seventy pounds soaking wet Steve would have less fear about settling down on top of Bucky like this (though he didn't think it would have been any less comfortable, he'd been rather bony back then). Seeing Bucky's glare, he folded like a wet tissue. "Alright, alright! But you tell me the minute it gets uncomfortable, alright?" Slowly he let himself drop his entire weight down on his friend's body, giving Bucky time to object (though he knew Bucky was too stubborn to even if it was at this point). "Next time we spar in the gym remind me not to let you up so fast when I pin you down since you like this so much." He commented sarcastically.

"Didn't we have this conversation already? Functional is not optimal! I want you optimal at all times, especially before we go out on a mission." He sighed and rested his chin on top of Bucky's shoulders, knowing that Bucky isn't going to like his next suggestion. "I know that Tony can be...overenthusiastic, but he IS trustworthy and he does know what he's doing. Let him take a look at your arm. I promise I'll be there to watch him not to do anything you don't want. JUST basic maintenance."

He hummed in pleasure that getting his way in this matter, though he knew he could technically get his way in all matters if he put his efforts to it. He released a soft 'oof' sound just for effect when Steve's muscled weight settled entirely down on top of him, and his friend was heavy but not uncomfortably so. He had been pinned down by a steel support beam on the helicarrier and that had been an uncomfortable weight. This was... comforting, and he stretched out his legs a little more along Steve's. "Mmm, you'd have to successfully pin me first, which we both know you struggle to do."

They had had such a conversation more than once he thought, and it appeared they were going to have it again right now. "It's perfectly functional and I'm optimal," he grumbled, mostly because he was delaying letting anyone even come close to his arm, especially when he knew who Steve was going to suggest for the job. "No, besides you all have a bet riding on him getting his hands on it, and it's just needing maintenance, which can be delayed. It's not like my arm is broken." Yet, though he didn't expect it to malfunction.

Steve knew he was giving in far too easily but it was hard to say no, especially when Bucky look so pleased every time. He rolled his eyes at the 'oof' noise, knowing it was only done to poke him. He shifted a bit uneasily as Bucky stretched his legs out against his causing Bucky's ass to rub against his groin but he settled again when Bucky stilled once more. "I'll try harder next time. Maybe practice with Natasha first and get her to give me some tips."

Sometimes it felt like they were always going to be repeating the same conversations over and over again, as both of them were too stubborn on certain topics. In this case Steve was one hundred percent certain he was right. "If it makes you feel better I will have that bet stopped. Or I will put in money on the exact date and time you go in, take the entire pot and give it to you." Steve said exasperated, knowing that the bet was just an excuse. "Delaying needed maintenance is not good for you. Why delay when a bit of discomfort now can safe you so much trouble later on? And I can't risk it malfunctioning during a mission!"

It was quite easy to find a comfortable spot when he was so limited in moving. In some regards, it reminded him of his cryotube that he was placed in, and it had always been a secure place. "I could give you tips if you really wanted some, since I can take you at full strength and not suffer as she would," he replied, a bit stung that his own expertise on hand-to-hand was overlooked. Perhaps he was just monopolizing Steve's time too much, which made him relent immediately. "She does... have nice legs though... or something."

He didn't want the bet stopped, and he didn't want Tony to look at his arm. Years of training had impressed upon him that his metal arm was a thing where only assigned technicians could work on it, and Stark definitely didn't fit the bill for that. He preferred to keep his parts to himself, reluctant even for Bruce to tend him when injured, finding himself protective of his own body in a way that he had never been allowed at HYDRA. "I know what's good for me, and for once in my life, I get a choice on if I want to do something with parts of myself," he replied. "It has been sure and true on missions; I will have it maintained at the end of the month."

Steve hadn't been trying to discount Bucky's skills; it had simply been a stray thought he'd been thinking about in relation to sparring. He sparred with regularly with the other Avengers all the time, even Tony (in his suit) and with the exception of Dr. Banner. "I know you can. But if I want tips on improving my chances against you it's logical to ask her instead." Steve sighed and rubbed his cheek absently against the edge of one shoulder. "She does have very nice legs but again, you should tell her that yourself. She won't be mad about that."

When put it that way, how could he continue insisting that Bucky go to Tony for work on the arm? Because Bucky was right, it was his arm, his body and only he could decided who and when and if he wanted something done, especially when Hydra had taken so many other things away from Bucky already. "Alright. But the minute I see anything that can compromise you during a mission, you'll going to Tony straight off, regardless of at what point we were in during the mission. And I'll be telling you 'I told you so' afterwards." Steve made a note to himself to keep a firm eye on the arm in the next week. Bucky's health has far higher priority than stray Hydra agents in hiding.

He nodded, the sensation of hotness on his cheeks attracting his attention because he had never been jealous or embarrassed before. He knew that he had no right to keep Steve away from the others, except for when it was time to sleep and cuddle together. He had come to understand that was their time and reserved for him alone. "Yes, I suppose it is logical, and she would help." And no, he was not saying anything about her legs unless he was going to have to apologize in future for breaking them or something. Not that he planned to.

With the week that he had, he couldn't face a maintenance check on top of it all. He wanted to stay near Steve and not be around the others, though he would tolerate it because of his friend's sake. Right now, here pressed under the heavy set of Steve's weight, he was safe. He frowned a bit at the threat, but he knew better than to protest. "I won't be compromised on any missions. It's working just fine," he said, and didn't add it was just a bit slow to respond for some actions.

Steve stared, fascinated by the redness in Bucky's cheeks. Bucky showed so very little outward emotion compared to before and he couldn't help but drag a thumb slowly across the skin where he could see the flush. Bucky was...jealous or embarrassed? "There's no need to be jealous...yes, she I find her aesthetically pleasing but I don't want to sleep or cuddle with her and I highly doubt she wants to with me. Actually...." He paused and thought some more about the looks she's been sending him lately. "I think she finds me just a bit on the stupid side."

He won't be able to stay in the entire week, there were reports to file, data to look through and certain people to talk to if they want to make a private mission of Hydra hunting next week but otherwise Steve wasn't going to move very much outside the apartment other than for his daily runs and other necessities. "I'll take your word for it. Just remember what I said."

He lifted his head a little when he felt Steve's thumb against his cheek and it only caused the foreign reaction to become even more pronounced, spreading from his cheeks to his whole face. He shifted to turn his face away from the touch, hoping that it would reduce how hot his face suddenly felt. "I'm not jealous," he replied stubbornly, mostly because he had no idea what being jealous felt like, not really, not until now. Was that really what he was experiencing? "Why would she think you're stupid? You're very intelligent," he said, coming to Steve's defense immediately.

He would need to get out of the apartment as well or else he'd to stir crazy sitting in one place. He would be certain not to test the capabilities of his prosthetic in front of Steve or risk getting disapproving looks or worse, nagging. "I'll remember. I don't forget as easily anymore."

Steve watched, mesmerized at the spreading blush, only withdrawing his hand when Bucky turned his head away even though he would have liked to follow the blush with his hand. "You're blushing." He pointed out. "It's alright...it's a very human, a natural thing to feel. To be protective over something you feel strongly for. So I'm flattered, really." Not one of the better emotions because it could get very ugly but still human. So he was glad that Bucky could start showing his feelings like this again to him, even if it was over something like this.

"I'm flattered you think so but there's many different kinds of intelligence." He freely admitted he could be really stupid when it comes to people and the way they think and react. Natasha on the other hand would recognize, analyze and understand the hows and whys of a person's behaviour within minutes of meeting someone, was trained to do so in fact.

He struggled with the idea that he was blushing, that the heat that made his head feel hot happened to result in the same reaction that he had seen on Steve's face many times before. He poked his own cheek, feeling the heat of it and apparently acknowledging it only made it linger for longer. "Am I malfunctioning? I've never blushed before," he murmured with a hint of uncertainty in his voice. He wanted to be normal, he really did, but he couldn't explain his sudden reaction to even himself because he didn't consider the Widow a threat to what he had cultivated with Steve. "It's... good that I'm protective of you? That's alright to feel?"

He knew that, though most of the intelligence that he was used to had nothing to do with relationships and such. He was generally good at reading body language for hostility, weakness and confusion. "You're still smart," he said as he shifted under Steve, a sigh of contentment leaving him.

"No." Steve answered very firmly, hearing the uncertainty in Bucky's voice and moving to make very sure that his friend understood there was nothing wrong with him. The only thing unnatural was what Hydra had done to Bucky to make lose his body's natural reactions and feelings. "You've seen me blush, right? Was I malfunctioning? No. It's...natural. It's your body reacting to something you're feeling, that's all. Usually embarrassment." He shifted one hand up to card through the hair at the back of Bucky's head reassuringly. "That's perfectly fine. It's always fine to feel something."

"Thank you." He said lightly, getting ready to move off of Bucky when his friend started shifting underneath him, thinking he was finally getting too heavy to endure. But Bucky settled down again and so did he as well. "I think you're plenty smart as well."

It was normal; he was acting in a normal way. Steve was right, and it was only that it had been so long since he had reacted in such a way that he had questioned himself. He nodded, remembering very well how Steve had blushed, but he still poked his own cheek in hopes that the reaction would subside. "I just knew I don't have a right to take up all your time... and then that happened," he said with a shake of his head and then immediately leaned back towards the fingers in his hair.

He almost protested when Steve began to move, but his friend settled again over him and it was a sense of comfort to him as he lay his cheek against the blanket and closed his eyes. "Hmpt, compliments will get you no where with me." He was do anything for Steve anyway.

It was cute, the way Bucky was poking his own cheek. He idly considered if it would be worth it to get Bucky to blush more; there must be more ways than embarrassment. He moved on from simply carding his fingers through the hair to scratching lightly at the scalp instead. "See? Just a bit of embarrassment. It'll go away on its own eventually so no need to poke it."

He dropped his head as well to rest against Bucky's back again, his fingers not pausing in its movements. "No? What would then?" There wasn't much he wouldn't do for Bucky if it was something Bucky wanted.

Steve apparently knew the right ways to make him comfortable and settle down as if he could sleep again despite having only been awake for a few hours. "My face feels uncomfortably hot when it happens," he said softly in a way of complaint. "You're just enjoying this too much as well. I can tell."

He grunted softly, though he did grudgingly think of things that would certainly work. "Wrestling with me in bed more," he said. That had felt very good this morning despite how short it had been. "Probably other things as well."

"If you want the scientific explanation of why it happens, you'll have to ask Dr. Banner." Steve said idly, gently scritching Bucky's scalp with his fingertips. He didn't deny his enjoyment of Bucky's blush, huffing a laugh into Bucky's shoulder. "Why shouldn't I enjoy it? It's you after all."

This time, it was his turn to feel his cheeks turn hot when Bucky brought up wrestling in bed. He would have enjoyed it more if it wasn't his own body's inappropriate reactions. Maybe if he insisted Bucky put on clothes first next time will help? "Noted. Food?" Food wasn't really much of a bribe; he would have continued to feed Bucky good things anyway.

He didn't want to know why it happened because he would much prefer that it didn't happen to him again. He suspected that Steve was going to see if it could happen once more, and he was going to be watching out for that. "I don't normally have such a reaction, so it's not really me."

He perked at the sight of a blush on Steve's face, and he immediately lifted his head and rubbed their heated cheek together. What was it about their wrestling that made such a reaction? "You blush a lot since last night and more this morning when we were wrestling. Why?" He would, of course, be easily bribed with food. He never denied that. "I enjoy food."

"It's not really controllable. People have tried but never really succeeded." He certainly would like it if he could control HIS blushes. Like now, when Bucky has spotted his face flushing red and is asking why, a question he knows he can't answer without bringing up other awkward topics. He closed his eyes to delay answering as Bucky rubbed his cheek against his, Bucky's cheek rough with stubble but it felt nice enough. "Because my body likes to do inappropriate things occasionally." He finally replied. It was as close to the truth as he could get without answering directly.

"I know...and I enjoy watching you enjoy it." He has never hidden that part either. "What would you like for dinner then?"

His cheek was much rougher than Steve's, but he doesn't mind the contrast one bit. He hadn't shaved today after all, hadn't really shaved much for the last week, so his stubble was not really stubble so much as a beard by now. "I thought you said that blushing was normal and not inappropriate," he replied, peering up at Steve. "Which is it?"

He hummed, still rubbing cheeks with Steve because it felt interesting to do so. He liked it, though he probably shouldn't. He hadn't nuzzled someone before that he remembered after all. "We should order in to give you another night off. You're still recovering from a week in the forest."

Bucky didn't seem to care for being as cleanly shaved as he used to be (before the war), but nowadays generally kept it short enough to be able to easily keep it clean. Compared to him who has never been able to grow anything on his face even before the serum it was an interesting contrast. "Blushing is normal and no inappropriate. It's other things, also uncontrollable, that are inappropriate." Steve sighed and hoped Bucky will leave it at that.

At least they were rubbing faces and not other body parts that will cause far more visible reactions then a bit of beard burn that will go away in an hour or two. (He resolutely did NOT think of Bucky rubbing his face in other places.) "I'm fine...I don't mind cooking some more. I did buy the groceries already anyway for the next few days on our way back." It had been only a bit of exhaustion with minor injuries. A good night's sleep had helped with the first and the second were already close to healing completely.

[closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

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