a_musingly | [closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

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[closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

Bad luck always comes in threes.

Steve had never been the superstitious sort before (he was Catholic). First there had been an accident with Banner that had lead to a last minute switch-up in assigned team members for this mission. Then there had been an accident in an Stark Industries owned factory that left Stark worried, twitchy and furious. Not a good state of mind to be doing a mission with.

The third of course was the attack that had brought down the quinjet over the thickly grown jungles Steve was currently hiking alone through right now, having been forced (for once it was not his idea to jump out of a plane without a parachute) to hastily exit the plane while it was on fire. He'd been separated from the rest of the team in the explosion; he hoped they were alright...no, he KNOWS they are all fine. Now it was only a matter of getting back to civilization and getting in back in touch with the rest of the Avengers. Any civilization, he wasn't picky at this point.

He didn't know that by the time he made his way out of the bush into civilization, more than a week would have passed.

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He didn't want to know why it happened because he would much prefer that it didn't happen to him again. He suspected that Steve was going to see if it could happen once more, and he was going to be watching out for that. "I don't normally have such a reaction, so it's not really me."

He perked at the sight of a blush on Steve's face, and he immediately lifted his head and rubbed their heated cheek together. What was it about their wrestling that made such a reaction? "You blush a lot since last night and more this morning when we were wrestling. Why?" He would, of course, be easily bribed with food. He never denied that. "I enjoy food."

"It's not really controllable. People have tried but never really succeeded." He certainly would like it if he could control HIS blushes. Like now, when Bucky has spotted his face flushing red and is asking why, a question he knows he can't answer without bringing up other awkward topics. He closed his eyes to delay answering as Bucky rubbed his cheek against his, Bucky's cheek rough with stubble but it felt nice enough. "Because my body likes to do inappropriate things occasionally." He finally replied. It was as close to the truth as he could get without answering directly.

"I know...and I enjoy watching you enjoy it." He has never hidden that part either. "What would you like for dinner then?"

His cheek was much rougher than Steve's, but he doesn't mind the contrast one bit. He hadn't shaved today after all, hadn't really shaved much for the last week, so his stubble was not really stubble so much as a beard by now. "I thought you said that blushing was normal and not inappropriate," he replied, peering up at Steve. "Which is it?"

He hummed, still rubbing cheeks with Steve because it felt interesting to do so. He liked it, though he probably shouldn't. He hadn't nuzzled someone before that he remembered after all. "We should order in to give you another night off. You're still recovering from a week in the forest."

Bucky didn't seem to care for being as cleanly shaved as he used to be (before the war), but nowadays generally kept it short enough to be able to easily keep it clean. Compared to him who has never been able to grow anything on his face even before the serum it was an interesting contrast. "Blushing is normal and no inappropriate. It's other things, also uncontrollable, that are inappropriate." Steve sighed and hoped Bucky will leave it at that.

At least they were rubbing faces and not other body parts that will cause far more visible reactions then a bit of beard burn that will go away in an hour or two. (He resolutely did NOT think of Bucky rubbing his face in other places.) "I'm fine...I don't mind cooking some more. I did buy the groceries already anyway for the next few days on our way back." It had been only a bit of exhaustion with minor injuries. A good night's sleep had helped with the first and the second were already close to healing completely.

He hadn't wanted to shave at Stark Tower, barely able to keep on his feet and eat and then Steve had rushed off to a shower and he had been left behind. He hadn't taken the opportunity to clean himself up a bit more when he would more often think about it. Now, it didn't bother him because nuzzling Steve with a beard was a very novel concept, and he tended to enjoy those until the novelty ran out for him. "What other things?" Had he missed something important?

He hummed in his contentment despite the odd angle of his neck before he pulled away and twisted around so he could nuzzled Steve's other cheek now. "No, you should take time and be with me and order in so we don't have to leave the fort until we've slept more." He expected they both needed another bout of sleeping comfortably together, though... he couldn't well take off his pants like this trapped under Steve's weight.

When they'd finally gotten back to Stark Tower (not home, his apartment in Brooklyn was still home) he'd been too tired and hungry then to care anything much about other than getting clean, getting food in them both and sleep. Anything more than that he'd then considered secondary. In any case, Bucky's beard or lack of one was Bucky's business to do with as he wished. Bucky certainly seemed to be enjoying it now. "It's nothing...important. Just inconvenient." He said evasively again.

Steve moved his own head so Bucky had more room to do as he wished. "Greedy." He said, but Steve's tone was affectionate. But he gave in to Bucky's request easily. It was no hardship to stay here to doze and cuddle with Bucky. "Alright. We'll nap in here and I'll order take-out when we get hungry later." At least if they sleep in here, there shouldn't be any half-naked wrestling unless they want the blanket for to fall down around their ears.

"What is inconvenient?" He didn't understand why Steve wouldn't tell him when they were generally always honest with each other. Of course, there were a few subjects they avoided talking about, but he had no idea what kind of reactions aside from blushing would require Steve to evade him so much. He wanted the information now.

He knew that Steve wouldn't resist, probably needed a nap and cuddling as much as he did after the week that they had had. "Good, you're probably still tired and acting too tough to admit it. That's what I heard Thor say to Clint," he murmured, still rubbing his beard on Steve's smooth cheek.

Steve sighed. It looks like he was not going to be able to avoid talking about this any longer. Being evasive for someone's sake (his own really in this case) is fine but he has never considered outright lying to be okay. He's promised himself to never to lie to Bucky; there's been too many people, Hydra being the main one, who's lied and manipulated his friend for their own use and convenience. He took a deep breath. "Arousal. That's what's inconvenient and inappropriate. And the second reason why a person's face can turn red."

While he didn't mind napping some more, he's pretty sure he doesn't require it as much as the others keep telling him. He already had a good night's sleep already last night, he doesn't really NEED more, that's what the serum was for. Didn't he sleep enough already in those seventy years in the ice? "That's like the pot saying the kettle is black." Steve grumbled, rolling his eyes. "They're the ones who always try to keep going when it's obvious they're going to collapse with the next step." He ran a finger down his other cheek; it felt a little tender and no doubt was a little pink from the beard.

Arousal? He, of course, knew about it being human and all and there were entire joking conversations about it usually started by Tony. He knew that arousal in men happened, sometimes at inappropriate times, but he was also very keenly aware of how good he had felt pressing himself against Steve in the bed, how Steve had fled as if he had set his friend on fire to the bathroom. Steve... was aroused because of him or because it had just happened as it sometimes did with men? "Is that what happened this morning when you were blushing?"

He had also heard that saying, and he was aware that everyone pushed themselves harder than necessary on missions. However, given that he was comfortable and secure, he was willing to sleep. That was what he did after all; he slept between missions or he used to and it wasn't hard to fall back into the idea about it as well. "They're... probably just saying it so you don't embarrass them for how long you can go."

He had gotten so used to Tony's jokes that he didn't blush (too much) at his jokes though he still put a stop to the more inappropriate ones. Steve sighed again before replying. "Yes." In for a penny, in for a pound. Running away earlier had probably been a bad idea but he couldn't think of what else to do. It was all he could do to keep from moaning when Bucky pressed himself warm and hard against him earlier in the moaning.

Everyone pushed themselves in a mission but some people seemed to push themselves harder than everyone else, sometimes unnecessarily. Steve was used to being more active between missions, preferring to run or work out instead of sleep if he wasn't catching up on history and culture. Nowadays of course there was also Bucky to take care of. "I know...it's just teasing. Nothing serious."

He nodded his head, which caused his beard to rub against Steve's cheek again. He supposed that embarrassing blushing arousal would be enough to send Steve away from him when they had been having... well, fun. "I made it worse by insisting you stay to wrestle..." he murmured, turning his face just enough so that he could rest his temple against Steve's cheek. "I apologize if I made you uncomfortable. I just... wanted to be close to you."

Sometimes he thought that Steve pushed too far on mission even for a super-soldier. He suspected that there were some things that, like him, could only be fled from when exhausted. "I'm not teasing when I say we are staying here today," he said with a distinct seriousness.

Steve leaned back against Bucky, eyes sliding half closed.. "You didn't. Did I say before you're not responsible for me? I enjoyed the wrestling too, well, until my body started behaving inappropriately. So you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who's sorry; I ruined your fun." He reached up to run his thumb alongside the jaw, all the way up to the ear. "If you like we can try it again later...though I'm going to have to insist on at least pants this time."

If sometimes he pushed himself harder it was because he can while his teammates couldn't, so he ought to step up and just do it. Other times it really was he was trying to escape from something in his head, though he usually used exercise as a way to banish those demons (even if only temporarily) from his head. He raised an eyebrow at Bucky's comment and tone. "Here inside the fort? I did say I was going to cook dinner for us tonight."

He nodded his head a little, not used to apologizing or receiving one in return still. It was difficult to try to cope with social niceties. "So it was me not wearing pants that made you aroused?" He frowned thoughtfully at the idea as he leaned into Steve's touch and then shifted to settle his cheek down against the blanket again. "There is always time for fun later when you aren't blushing and aroused, Steve."

If he had his way, he wasn't going to let Steve leave the fort save to get food and to have a bathroom break or two. Otherwise, they could wrestle and cuddle and nap here where it was safe and warm and comfortable. He didn't think that his friend knew that yet either, but he would be certain to set himself to that objective and not allow it to stop. "No, you stay with me."

Steve thought Bucky was getting better all the time. It was difficult he knew and often frustrating but he appreciated Bucky's attempts. "It's not just that." Steve murmured. Bucky had been warm and hard and having him pressed close, grinding up on him, it had seemed his body couldn't NOT react. "Yes, you're right." He said agreeably, feeling grateful that the most awkward parts of the conversation seem to have passed and overall it hadn't been as bad as he thought it'd be.

"Bossy." Steve said fondly in reply to the implied command in Bucky's voice. "What are you going to do if I get up anyway?" He was teasing; if he really wanted to leave, he knows Bucky will let him up immediately. Really, he had no objections to spending the rest of the day lazing about, there was nothing urgent he had to see to.

"What then?" He wanted to know how one as stoic as Steve could be reduced to rushing to the bathroom and leaving him alone on the bed confused and warm. He knew that he was not to sleep naked again at least, not unless he was safe and alone, which didn't normally go hand-in-hand anymore. "Is being aroused with someone you trust something to be ashamed of?"

He hummed in agreement, though if Steve really wanted to get up and go, he certainly would do little else than move himself and follow. "I'll make you feel bad for doing so," he said, not above manipulating the situation like that. "Besides, you don't really want to get up. You're obviously comfortable."

Never mind, he'd spoken too soon. This was sliding back into awkward territory again. Well, he's gone so far, might as well keep going. "Not ashamed no. Just awkward, because you were pressing...very close. And if you kept going..." He could feel his face get progressively hot and couldn't make himself finish the sentence. "Any way, I left to let my body calm down. It wasn't not your fault or anything like that."

"Yes, by sulking." He said dryly. Though Bucky was right, he really was comfortable right now, if not for the niggling worry that Bucky wasn't, not with his entire weight on top. "You know me so well."

He turned his head to regard Steve, watching the redness seep back across his friend's face so that it looked a little like a tomato. It was probably supposed to be something that was amusing, but he instead found it very endearing. "If I'd kept going...?" He thought about it for a moment to see if he could fill in his own blanks, remembering how warm and good he had felt rubbing on Steve like that. "I... felt good when we were like that, rubbing I mean."

He... wouldn't even know if he was sulking, though he had a feeling that Steve would be gracious enough to point it out to him. "I don't sulk." He hummed and cuddled down into the blanket, finding Steve's weight a comfort still, though he did have to put in a bit more effort to breathe. "I know you better than I know myself."

Bucky was probably the only one he knows now that wouldn't laugh when his face is like this. He wished he was one of those people who can get rid of blushes on command but as good as his muscle control was, it didn't cover this. "That's exactly it. It felt good, I felt good, but if we'd continued, it would have moved on to...sex." And that was a line Steve refused to cross, not when he didn't think Bucky understood the hows and whys of what he was feeling (and if Steve was honest, he didn't totally understand himself either).

"Yes you do." Steve answered. There was a particular tone of voice and also a look in his eyes Bucky had when he was. He found it endearing. Steve shifted and pressed his face back onto Bucky's back. "That's not unusual I think. I think most people know other people better than they know themselves."

He wasn't seeing a problem with feeling good, since he was apparently encouraged to do so after so much pain and neglect at the hands of HYDRA. Yet, the indication that such stimulation would have moved them to sex, he lifted his head again, narrowly avoiding cracking Steve in the face. He knew what sex was, there was even a few shards of memories of kissing in his mind, the soft laughter of breathless exploration. Odd that he should have those. "You want to have sex with me?" If they were going to be awkward, they may as well sink the ship entirely or turn Steve permanently into a tomato.

He didn't remember sulking, though no doubt it had happened. Steve always kept up with those changes of expressions in him. He hummed and bowed his head more. "I suppose if you know me best and I know you best, we can tell each other everything."

He ducked his head to the side when Bucky lifted his head up unexpectedly, almost too late, mind going frantically in circles and completely distracted. "I...it doesn't matter what I want. What matters is what you want." Steve said desperately, before pressing his face downward onto Bucky's shoulder. He was never going to be able to forget this conversation. And his face will be permanently red. Steve bit down a groan as he heard a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Natasha's that it could have been worse, that they could both have been naked in bed instead of Steve lying on top of Bucky inside a blanket fort.

Steve reached up to card his fingers through the short hair at the back of Bucky's neck. "I'll...try." There were some things that were his own to carry, that he doesn't want to burden Bucky about. His grief, his depression, his guilt. He's always believed that he was responsible for his own shit and no one else should have to deal with it.

He wasn't actually certain that Steve's face could go any more red, but he thought that it had reached his friend's hairline and possibly the entire scalp all the same. A devilish part of himself which was only recently emerging was very pleased with this, despite the subject matter used to get there. "That sounds like a female evasive answer. Maybe I should call Romanoff and ask her to translate for me," he replied dryly. He hadn't considered sex much before, but now that the bug was planted, he wondered about it.

He tilted his head down at the touch, humming louder and in pleasure. He always liked it when Steve played with his hair. "You don't sound that convinced. Is the sex topic really that hard?"

Bucky used to make a game out of this in the old days, telling Steve the most outrageous things in order to see him make different faces or to see how far the blush goes. (The answer was: all the way up to his hairline and down to his chest. Post-serum, that hasn't changed.) A part of Steve was a bit exasperated that of all things that would be the one thing Bucky would somehow stumble back into doing. "Natasha would call both of us stupid. And I wasn't being evasive...what YOU want is the most important thing here. I'm not doing anything that would make you uncomfortable."

He scratched idly with his finger tips; Steve got as much enjoyment of playing with Bucky's hair as Bucky did himself. "I'm not used to talking about it, okay!"

It was too bad that Steve was laying on him because he was missing the fact that the blush went to his friend's chest. Right now, the entire red appearance was enough to endear him all the more to Steve. "How am I stupid for asking you if you want to have sex with me?" He didn't know what he wanted save to feel good and he knew that he felt good rubbing on Steve as he had. "When have you ever made me uncomfortable? You had to practically bathe me by hand when my leg got injured."

He smirked at Steve's words, twisting a little under the bigger man's weight. "Are you a virgin, Steve?" He suddenly blinked. "Wait, am I?"

He sighed. Steve's been doing a lot of sighing since their conversation went into this really awkward territory, he knew. "She'll call you stupid for having to ask in the first place. And me twice over for letting things get to this point." He elaborated. And he'd have to agree with her assessmefnt of his intelligence in this instance. "Not yet I suppose and I'd really like to keep it that way. And there is a big difference between helping you while you were injured and sex!"

He shifted as well when Bucky twisted underneath him and made as if to get off of Bucky entirely. "I am not! And neither are you." This was another part of why he'd been so reluctant to talk or as act about it, not when Bucky couldn't remember on his own.

"So does that mean you would have sex with me if I wanted to?" Because if he was stupid for having to ask, that meant that it should have been obvious in the answer. That must have meant that it might have been him holding up the process, which was something he needed to ponder over the day, if it even took him that long. "I suppose... but sex feels good, and I really want to feel good sometime."

He curled his metal arm around Steve tighter so his friend could escape him completely, but he was still looking over his shoulder at Steve. "Oh," he said softly before he nodded. "Who did we lose our virginity to?"

[closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

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