a_musingly | [closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

Steve always liked watching Bucky eat, it was one of the few times Bucky let himself show openly how much he liked something, nothing held back or restrained. He smiled and started in on the risotto, too hungry to slow down and properly enjoy the taste of it as he usually did. As he ate, he watched as drops of water from Bucky's damp hair slid down a muscular bare chest and past the stomach to disappear into the over-large pants. He licked his lips unconsciously and forced his attention back on his food, only to look up again just in time to see Bucky lick the red sauce from his own lips, suddenly thankful it wasn't white sauce.

"Yeah, sure. Want to try some of mine? It's good too." Steve offered his own box in return, that had still plenty of risotto left in it compared to the box Bucky offered him. He bent down and twirled some of the speghetti onto his fork before popping the mouthful into his mouth with a contented hum. "I'm guessing I can restaurant as something you wouldn't mind ordering from again?"

Unaware of Steve's eyes tracking water down his skin, he nonetheless was aware of his friend's proximity to his own. Of course, now that he had put at least some food in his stomach, it was hard to ignore how far he had pushed himself in his searching for his friend. "Okay, just a bit," he said softly as they switched boxes but kept their utensils to themselves.

He measured out mentally how much to eat before he dug in, swaying slightly in his seat in pleasure. He hummed softly in return to Steve, chewing thoughtfully even his head drooped a little more as he began to fill out. He only paused long enough to have a cursory amount of greens from the third box. "I guess, but I like it when you cook," he said, though he wouldn't deny right now in his current condition that food was excellent regardless of the source. He ate only his set amount and pushed the box back to Steve to finish. "Eat the rest," he ordered gruffly.

He only realized after that moment that he had finally eaten faster than Steve. It was a first in his books.

Maybe he should learn to cook Italien then, Steve thought as he watched Bucky's enjoyment of his risotto. He can't tell which one Bucky like better. "Which one do you like better?" Risotto was probably beyond his skills no matter how much he practised but spaghetti he thought he could manage after a few tries. It looked simple enough; just sauce, pasta, beef and seasoning.

"I try to cook as much as I can but there's days like today that it's just easier to order in. Is there anything else you want me to cook next time?" Steve's already done meatloaf several times again at Bucky's request. He huffed a laugh at the order and picked up the pace of intake, since Bucky apparently is done already. (Steve refused to acknolwedge that he spent far too much time ~~ogling~~ staring at Bucky instead of eating.) "Yes, dear." He returned back. Soon enough he's eaten all the rest of his risotto as well as the rest of the greens and feeling sleepy.

"Let me clear out the garbage and then we can get some sleep. You can go ahead first if you like."

He had to like one of them better than the other? He looked between the two boxes as Steve ate, considering what he knew of the separate tastes before a warm memory filled his head, and the edges of a smile appeared on his lips. "Spaghetti," he finally said. "I think... I used to eat it when I was... small," he added with some difficulty, trying to chase the memory but the more he did, the more it slipped away from him.

He was much too tired by then to think about meals for the future when all he could think about was that his stomach was content, his head was fuzzy and his eyes were drooping. He grunted at the 'dear' comment but didn't give any usual glare at it even as he slid from his seat and stretched his muscles, looking hopefully towards the bedroom and then at Steve.

"Wait," he said sharply when Steve tried to move off. He reached up and his flesh thumb ran over Steve's lips before collecting some sauce that had gathered at the corner of his friend's mouth. He smiled sleepily and licked the sauce off before trudging off towards the bedroom to settle in, his burrowed trousers tucked under his pillow to use in the morning.

Steve tucked the image of that barely-there smile into his mind; Bucky smiled so seldom these days that he always wanted to take a photograph or sketch it down somehow whenever Bucky did it. He nodded slowly in response. "Yes...you did actually. I'd almost forgotten. There was a small Italien restaurant that your family was fond of that you went to as often as you could. What we just had today is good but I think that restaurant was better." Steve looked sad for a moment before shaking it away . "It's gone now of course....like most things from back then."

He reminded himself to ask Bucky again on the subject of cooking later on when both of them were more aware, only to stop in his tracks when Bucky told him to wait and stood there frozen as the sauce was brushed from his lips with a thumb and licked off. His face turned pink and he could only stand there as Bucky disappeared first into the bedroom. Taking a deep breathe to fortify himself, he went in himself, only to stop again when he spotted Bucky naked in bed.

"I don't suppose I can get you to put the pants back on?"

He was tucking a leg of the sweats under his pillow so that it wouldn't be lumpy when he lay his head down, and he glanced over when Steve entered. His friend was looking better clean, fed and with the last traces of a flush fading from the man's cheeks. If he hadn't seen the bruises, scrapes and other signs of hardship, he could have thought that everything had been a bad dream. It wasn't, and he pulled back the covers to allow Steve to climb into bed more readily next to him. He was very desperately tired now.

Yet, he stiffened at the request and hiked the covers higher up his chest as if that would provide some of the necessary decency that Steve was craving from him. "Why? Does it bother you if I'm like this?" No one had seemingly ever been upset at his body after all; it was all business-like, a well-oiled machine or whatever they had begun to call it near the end there.

Steve sighed and shook his head, rubbing the palm of his hand against one eye. It wasn't Bucky's body that was bothering him, it was his own inappropriate reactions to it. And it wasn't fair to ask Bucky to cover up in private (if they were in public it would be a different matter) when he was comfortable. "No...no. It's just...." He searched around for an excuse. "Wouldn't it chafe?" It wasn't much of an excuse as the sheets and bedcovers, like everything else in Stark Tower was of top quality.

"Never mind...didn't mean to upset you. Let's just sleep." He was really too tired to argue this. And maybe his body would be too tired to do anything it's not supposed to. He's definitely not going to strip off and follow Bucky's example though. Steve climbed into bed (it was a bigger one than the one in his own apartment) and shifted under the covers.

He glanced around and shifted under the sheets, but they were soft and comfortable and there was no discomfort to laying on them. He was clean and dry as well, which would limit any chafing from happening, but it seemed that he was upsetting Steve by appearing in bed in the nude, which was the way he had once been so used to sleeping in the first place. He accepted pants because he had to, but he really, really wanted to be selfish and be comfortable for a sleep set to be as deep and comfortable as this one was setting up to be.

He shifted, watching Steve as his friend slipped into the bed and he sunk down onto his pillow even as he turned the lights off when he knew that Steve was safe in the bed. At first, he kept his distance, uncertain if he should try to move closer when his nudity seemed to have upset Steve. He tried to cuddle the pillow instead, but it wasn't the same despite his efforts to make it somehow contour to be even remotely as warm and firm as his friend.

Usually he'd set an alarm to wake up early in the morning for a run or a workout but tomorrow he thought they'd could just sleep as long as their bodies told them to. That was his last thought or he tried to let it be his last thought before sleeping but he could feel Bucky forcing himself to stay away and knew he'd made a mistake bringing up clothes in bed. Bucky's comfort was always worth more than his own stupid feelings, he scolded himself.

He sighed and opened his eyes again, holding out one arm out in an inviting position. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or for you to feel that you have to keep your distance."

He was very still in the darkness, waiting for Steve to show signs of being asleep, fighting his own body's need for it in the dark. He decided that he could risk moving closer if his friend was asleep and then he could find his own sleep and try to wake early enough to slide away so he wasn't pressed too close. Steve had just had a horrible week tramping through the jungle, and it was up to him to not only keep the man safe but content as well. If that involved sleeping in pants or whatever, he should be pleased to do so.

So he lay in wait clutching his pillow in some mock imitation of Steve and didn't move at the sudden invitation. He made a soft noise of longing at the back of his throat; it was more important Steve sleep than he wear pants was the current argument in his head. "You should sleep. You need your rest," he finally said, shifting slightly on the bed and not yet deciding to get closer.

Steve wasn't going to sleep while Bucky was uncomfortable like this. And this was all his fault. Bucky had been comfortable and Steve ruined it by opening his big mouth. Because he'd been selfish again, thinking of his own needs before Bucky's. He'd always been a proponent of fixing his own mistakes, so he was going to fix this one. He kept his arm up and tone of voice soft and inviting. "So do you, Bucky. And you sleep best when we're close." He'll never forgive himself if he took his comfort away form Bucky.

Steve himself slept better too. The army had taught him to sleep anywhere, to take his rest whenever and wherever possible but it didn't keep the nightmares away, it didn't keep him warm. Inappropriate physical reactions or not Bucky was warm and comforting weight on him, a constant reassurance that his current life wasn't a dream.

He shifted, tentative at first before he slid over the distance between them, brushing the outstretched hand with his shoulder first so that he could be stopped at any time. He waited a few seconds and when the invitation wasn't withdrawn, he eased into the spot against Steve's side, abandoning his pillow back over to the side of the bed he had just vacated. Instead, he nestled up against's his friend's side, his feet creeping in as they always did to curl around one of Steve's ankles.

Tentative, he slid his arm around his friend's waist and shifted in to settle his cheek on Steve's bare chest. His hair was still damp, but he didn't mind the coolness as he sighed and already his eyes were drooping. It was easy to settle in, easy to be comfortable like this. "...thank you."

He hated the tentative way Bucky moved, as if Steve would push him away at any time. Never again, he old himself firmly. Never again would he give Bucky reason to doubt his welcome by Steve's side. He dropped his arm over Bucky's hips, pulling his friend firmly close after Bucky finished settling against him.

"You don't have to thank me for his...you never have to thank me for this." He whispered, dropping his head so that his chin rested on damp clean hair that still held the scent of the conditioner Bucky used. Sandalwood, he thought it might be and it was nice. "Sleep..." He murmured again as his own eyes dropped and his voice deepened, one hand reaching up and around to rub at Bucky's nape. "I'll still be here in the morning."

Once Steve welcomed him so easily, he settled in and relaxed as he always did when they were together. His metal arm tightened around his friend's waist and his toes briefly stroked on any skin that they could find around Steve's ankles before they gave up in exhaustion along with the rest of him. It had been a long and difficult week, one of the worst for him personally.

He hummed softly at the order to sleep, his eyes already close and sleep closing in on him quickly. He gave a single soft grunt of acknowledgement that he had heard Steve talk and was by then too asleep to care much for the words themselves. The tone was soothing enough, and he slept long and deep, more comfortable than he had in a very long time or at least as long as he could remember.

Of course, he woke half-sprawled on Steve, only one eye daring to open briefly to take stock of the current situation, the fact that his bare chest pressed against Steve's and his hips still hung off the side of his friend's hips. His fingers lazily stroked up the sleeping man's side before he just closed his eye again and rested comfortable and with no intention of moving off even if his hair was a mess from sleeping with it wet.

Steve slept soundly and deeply and when he woke, it was to the feeling of fingers both flesh and metal slowly stroking up his sides. He blinked away the last of the sleepiness away and noticed by the light of the room it was already far later than he usually got up by. Good. He'd promised himself he could sleep in this morning and it looked liked his body had agreed with his mind for once.

This was when the rest of him noticed the position he was in right now. Or rather, noticed the position Bucky was in on top of him, bare chest pressed to his and hips hanging of his just enough that he could feel a firm thigh pressed against his morning wood.

Steve bit down a groan and glanced down at Bucky who looked completely comfortable and disinclined to move from his sprawl on top of him. He wondered at his chances of being able to get to the bathroom without disturbing Bucky's rest.

He had noticed the hardness pressed into his thigh where it had hooked in to keep his position, but he paid it little mind. All that mattered to him was that he was warm and comfortable and content to laze around for a few more minutes as his fingers occasionally remembered to stroke again before slipping off and then resuming a bit later.

Because of the quietness of the room, he heard the soft noise that Steve tried to extinguish, and slowly his blue eyes opened as he tipped his head up so his chin rested on the place between Steve's pectoral muscles. He peered sleepily up at his friend, the beginnings of a new soft smile before he shifted, cuddling closer and setting his arms tight against Steve's sides, limiting any action to dislodge him.

"Mmmm, you're so warm," he mumbled without a care in the world.

There were any number of things one could do to get rid of morning would. A cold shower, rub it out, think of something decidedly non-sexy. At least Bucky was relatively still and not doing anything that could make the situation he was in any harder. Still the first two options were out and it was harder to think about Colonel Philips wearing nothing but one those USO girls' uniforms than he realized with the feeling of Bucky's fingers continuing to too stoke against his sides.

"Good morning to you too, Bucky." He smiled down at the sleepy contented smile on Bucky's face. At least one them was happy right now. Not that he was unhappy per say, just feeling awkward about the situation he found himself in that was completely none of Bucky's fault. "Want to go find something for breakfast?" Maybe food can get his friend off to a safer distance.

He, so far, did not suffer as Steve did, nor could he consider putting much stock into it, though he noticed. He simply ignored it as something that happened to Steve and was not particularly something that would involve him at all. However, a strange warm part of himself was whispering from what seemed like a long distance off, trying to make itself known but unable in the continued blanket of old abuse and training. It could have been some old lullaby for all he knew, and he paid as little attention to it as he did the fact that something between Steve's legs was against his bare thigh.

He considered the notion of a quest for food and shrugged his shoulders a bit, tightening his forearms on Steve's sides and letting his fingers stroke the immediate area just under Steve's arm pits. "I could eat, but I'm not hungry," he murmured in reply. "Unless you are?"

If something like this in the old days, Steve thought, there would have been a lot of teasing involved at the very last. Now, Bucky looked like he didn't even notice it. And Bucky himself certainly didn't seem to be having the same problem despite the fact morning wood was very common thing to have right after you wake up. Probably Hydra again, he knew, taking away something like this as well.

He shifted involuntarily as Bucky's fingers came very close to tickling where they were and bit down hard on his lip as to not to make any more noises as his erection rubbed against Bucky's thigh.

"The same." He said honestly as he tried his best to think about food instead, always a safe topic. "It's late for breakfast though. We could make it an extra big brunch instead a bit later. Pancakes or waffles with eggs, bacon and fruit."

Edited 2014-09-14 03:58 (UTC)

He sighed, still content despite the fact that Steve again didn't seem that comfortable but was trying to lay still under him anyway. He didn't mind, cuddled as he was half-laying on his friend and content to stay that way. He did, however, notice when the rather obvious hardness rubbed on his bare thigh, and he shifted slightly so as not to lean too heavily on it. "Are you alright? I didn't think you were the type to bring knives to bed," he said, raising his eyebrows.

He knew what it was, but it was easier to just ignore it for the most part. Hydra had beat out and tormented his body enough where such a reaction was grudging in coming, perhaps in the future.

Of course, Steve had to mention food that sounded very good and appealing. He peered at his friend shifting his metal arm up to fold under his chin so he could peer down into Steve's face all the easier. "I feel better, more rested, less on the verge on wanting to kill something. I'd like brunch or whatever at some point, but only if you're there."

Steve groaned this time, dropping an arm over his eyes to prevent himself from breaking out into hysterical laughter. Knives as an euphemism for morning wood. Except Bucky as he was right now was too blunt for euphemisms. "No Bucky, I'm fine, this is normal, and I don't keep knives in bed." Between the two of them Bucky was the one most likely to keep a knife or a gun underneath the pillows, while Steve settled for just keeping his shield close, usually behind the headboard or underneath the bed. At least Bucky isn't pressing so completely on his erection any more. And if they continue this line of thought, it might just go away completely on its own.

That sounded promising. Maybe Bucky would be up to eating in the communal kitchens in the tower the rest of the Avengers usually shared. That would be the likely location of ingredients he could use to make brunch. And once he started cooking, it was likely the rest of his friends would start appearing on their own if they weren't there already. "Did you think I was going to leave you to fend for food by yourself? Of course, you're going to have to let me up at some point to make the food."

Edited 2014-09-14 08:34 (UTC)

He could tell immediately that Steve was about to be amused, something that he enjoyed because it was so free and the sound so unique to his friend. He liked it when Steve laughed, and after the last week, he longed for it all the more, though it had harder for him to earn such expressions of emotions. The other Avengers could with their silly bickering and bantering and stupid questions that had nothing to do with the situation at hand, but they all laughed. He didn't; he was still the outsider. "Were you having good dreams?" This time, there was a struggled hint of teasing his voice, a brief flicker of his old teasing self who would never not take advantage of this situation. "Was it someone I knew?"

The communal kitchens were a dangerous place. There were lots of knives down there and he knew the others were bound to show up, no doubt wanting to check in on Steve who they had had little contact with. "I can fend for myself," he said stiffly, tightening his foot around Steve's ankle. "I know how to make oatmeal," he added in his own defense. He knew how to cut up fruit as well, and he could easily follow cooking instructions if he read them. Those were just a mission. Doing stuff from his head... not so much and tended to end in a horrible disaster. "I don't want to let you up right now. I'm comfortable and you're safe here."

Bucky's surprised him again. He had told himself, no trained himself not to actively expect bits of the old Bucky Barnes back, that Bucky would go at his own pace or not at all because he wants to, not because someone else expects the old Bucky back. So it was always a surprise, a pleasant one to see bits of his old self teasing at him. "Maybe." He bantered back, a teasing light in his eyes. Steve doesn't remember much of last night's dream, only flashes of heat and the slide of bare skin against bare skin and blue eyes. "Was there someone you think I should be dreaming of?"

Steve sighed. He'd been too optimistic again. "I know you can. But you know I like cooking for you and watching you eat." He flexed his toe against the top of Bucky's feet, rubbing gently with it. Other than meatloaf, breakfast foods were the other thing he was good at cooking. And cooking a big breakfast for Bucky AND the Avengers will go a long way to reassuring both that he really was alright, especially he didn't have the chance to talk too much with his other teammates yesterday. "I do have to use the bathroom eventually." He reminded Bucky. "And so do you." It wasn't urgent right now but soon he will be.

Maybe? He eyed Steve as if he wasn't certain if he should believe the man at all, that his friend was actually holding out on him. His expression changed from a struggle for mischievousness to a set to the challenge. "Well, you don't have a girlfriend, so that's out. You don't have a boyfriend, so that's out. You can't like Tony that much despite his offers," he replied silkily before he was pushing himself up on an elbow and stretched his back. "Who else could you be dreaming about? Isn't there that old dame back from the early days? Are you into really old frail people?" He had a healthy respect for Peggy Carter whose file he had read.

He knew that, had seen Steve's enthusiasm for cooking and even the man's enjoyment for him sometimes prowling in to help or just plain get in the way. "So... you like watching me put your stuff in my mouth?" To be fair, Steve made very good food, always enjoyable, always flavourful. He would never stop his friend from making him stuff to eat either. "I can aim out the window; what's wrong with your aim?" He of course wouldn't aim out the window, which was closed and required getting up to open. He could still threaten it.

"Very logical." Steve said dryly, cocking his head slightly to the side. His eyes took in the graceful line formed by the arch of Bucky's back and combined with the way the sunlight formed patches of light and shadow on Bucky's naked body Steve suddenly had a hankering to grab pen and paper to sketch it, out. Or paints, if he had more experience with paints he'd like to do a full painting. "I was and still am very fond of Peggy. But she's the past...not my future." Perhaps if things had gone differently in the past, he might have married her. But it was just a might-have-been now. And while Tony was handsome and could be very charming when he put his mind to it, he wasn't the person that's been haunting Steve's dreams.

He wasn't so oblivious that he didn't catch the way Bucky's question could have different implications than the obvious one. He turned slightly pink and opted for the safe answer. "I like watching you enjoy yourself." Whether it was only food in Bucky's mouth or something else later on. Steve looked exasperated. "My aim is just fine. But we're trying to be civilized here, so no, we are not aiming out the window. Not where there's a perfectly good bathroom just a few feet away."

[closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

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Oh Steve, bless your heart XD

he tries so hard

Tries as hard as he is

someone needs to put him out of his misery

Or make his misery better!

that too

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