[closed to disassembling] - I Thought You Were Dead

[whatsfondue]

Bad luck always comes in threes.

Steve had never been the superstitious sort before (he was Catholic). First there had been an accident with Banner that had lead to a last minute switch-up in assigned team members for this mission. Then there had been an accident in an Stark Industries owned factory that left Stark worried, twitchy and furious. Not a good state of mind to be doing a mission with.

The third of course was the attack that had brought down the quinjet over the thickly grown jungles Steve was currently hiking alone through right now, having been forced (for once it was not his idea to jump out of a plane without a parachute) to hastily exit the plane while it was on fire. He'd been separated from the rest of the team in the explosion; he hoped they were alright...no, he KNOWS they are all fine. Now it was only a matter of getting back to civilization and getting in back in touch with the rest of the Avengers. Any civilization, he wasn't picky at this point.

He didn't know that by the time he made his way out of the bush into civilization, more than a week would have passed.

Comments

[disassembling]

Because of the speed of his metabolism, he built up and lost muscle and fat faster than most save perhaps Steve himself. He had lost weight but was still fit and capable of carrying himself well enough. His head hung forward as Steve scrubbed the dirt, grime and sweat from his skin, his arms shifting from his sides as the pass of his friend's hand along his sides and the tension bled from his shoulders as his breathing deepened as if he had gone to sleep. He hadn't, but the touch felt good and reassuring after so much concern. "Mmmm... Stevie," he moaned and shifted under the other man's hands even pass what he knew was clean.

Still, he eventually pulled away to rinse off and a quick clean of his chest, thighs and arms before he was lathering up his own hands and attacking Steve's back with the same kind of warm curious but effective cleaning. As he worked, he revealed what was hidden on his friend's skin, healing marks and burns, but it was the finger prints that attracted his attention sharply, waking him up immediately. "...who did this to you?" He ran his finger tips over the bruised imprints. "Who grabbed you like this?"

[whatsfondue]

Steve was positive he was blushing as he heard the moans Bucky let out the moan. It was positively indecent. And the use of his old nickname; he hadn't heard Bucky use it again after that one time in the pillow fort in their apartment. At least this time if Bucky asked about the colour of his face he can pass it off as something caused by the heat of the water they are standing under. He continued cleaning long after Bucky was clean, until the man pulled away himself and he turned to offer Bucky his own back for scrubbing.

It felt excellent, having his back worked over like this. Next time, Steve thought, they might take advantage of the Jacuzzi bath for a long soak afterwards. He'd been told it's great for sore muscles and for relaxing. He shivered as Bucky's fingertips brushed over the bruises and turned his head to look back Bucky's concerned face. "You did, remember. Earlier on the plane, when you hugged me. You were so relieved to see me I guess you forgot your own strength." He reached around to touch one of the bruises lightly. It looked kind of bad right now, but with his healing as it is they'll be mostly gone within two days. "It's alright Bucky. You give me worse sometimes during our spars."

[disassembling]

He slowly reached out and set his fingers against the imprints, finding that they did indeed match his own fingers. He frowned and leaned in, brushing his lips over each one in silent apology, and his fingers trailed downwards on either side of Steve's spine, caressing along skin that he had just cleaned, feeling the slight residue of soap as it did so. He stepped in slightly, his hands reaching the hardness of bone that indicated Steve's hip and then his hands, unbidden, smoothed around to the front, clasping Steve's hips as his lips shifted to brush against the bruises that his metal hand had caused.

"I missed you so much," he murmured softly, probably only to be heard because of Steve's advanced hearing since the water pouring on them drowned out most sound otherwise. He tasted the faint tang of the soap he had used, and his tongue darted out to brush on the wet warm skin over where his index finger had left a mark. He didn't like the taste of soap, he decided immediately and turned his face to rest his cheek against Steve's shoulder instead. "I vowed I wouldn't stop looking until I found you."

[whatsfondue]

Steve's eyes widened and his breathe caught in his throat as Bucky starts kissing each and every one of his bruises, barely refraining from moaning at the light caress on his back. It felt good, far better than it should have been and he reminded himself again that not matter how good it feels, getting aroused right now was just as inappropriate as when they'd been cuddling together in the pillow fort (or any other time really).

He refrained from stating that there had been a chance that Bucky would have never found anything, not even his corpse in the jungles they were in. It wasn't what Bucky needed and probably would have made things worse right now. So instead he reached back to brush the side of Bucky's stubbly cheek with his fingers.. "I missed you too. I kept on hoping that you'd gotten out safely and will be waiting for me when I got out." His hand repeated his earlier action again. "And you know I'd do the same for you."

[disassembling]

The inappropriateness of his action didn't occur to him as his fingers flexed against Steve's hip, almost ready to pull the other man's larger body against his own. Something, maybe a voice from the past, stopped him from doing so. He held on for a little longer, savouring the closeness after so much concern and stress in the awareness that he might have lost Steve forever, that he would be truly alone with the only connection to his previous life. Steve was the only warm comfort that he had, and if it was gone... what was the point of being anything but the Winter Soldier anymore?

He sighed at the hand against his cheek, but he convinced himself to pull away on the second brush and ease back around so that he could wash his greasy hair. Yet, he stayed perceptively closer to Steve as he did so, passing occasionally sleepy glances at the other soldier he shared a shower with. He might have been feeling cleaner and more set straight, but he felt that he could miss the next meal just for the pleasure of sleeping close to Steve. "I will always wait for you."

[whatsfondue]

He swallowed down a groan as Bucky's fingers tightened on his hips. They were not as close as his body wants but at the same time he knows full well that if they really were pressed together naked and wet like this they'll be awkward questions to answer. Answers he would give honestly but he's not sure if Bucky would be okay with. Bucky was making strides in becoming human again, not completely the James Buchanan Barnes he remembered before the war but still his best friend. However it worried Steve sometimes that Bucky had no other connections to anyone else in the world and showed no inclination of wanting another. The work they did was dangerous, like the last week showed and he worried about what Bucky would do if he was really gone.

He sighed as Bucky pulled away and began to wash his own hair perfunctorily, feeling Bucky's gaze on him from time to time, and glad he's not sporting any improper erections. One final rinse to get all soap and shampoo of of him and he was feeling so much better now that the grime of the grime and dirt of the last week was gone from his body. And now that he was clean, he could feel his stomach making demands he won't be able to put off much longer. He smiled at Bucky's soft declaration and answered with a simple, "I know."

[disassembling]

He washed shampoo from his hair first and then had to actually apply conditioner, which was rare as he tended to just roughly tear out tangles and snarls rather than waste his time in the shower for longer. However, he worked the conditioner into his hair so he could stand next to Steve a little longer and enjoy the warm water but mostly the company. It almost surprised him that he could comb his fingers through his hair and work out the snarls because of the conditioner and reminded himself when he was more awake to look into the matter, since he had not come to any decision about his hair length.

He rinsed out his hair soon enough, and he felt he was as clean and functional as he was going to be. Seeing that Steve seemed to be finished, he flipped off the water and trudged out of the shower to grab a towel, rubbing down his body and his hair crudely before just plain wandering off to find the bedroom, ignoring JARVIS' polite indication that food had arrived and was located in the kitchen area.

[whatsfondue]

Steve had only just finished drying himself and slipped on a pair of sweat pants when Bucky took off for the bedroom naked instead of the kitchen as he expected. He hurried rubbed a towel over his hair and grabbed another pair of pants for his friend before heading to the bedroom himself. "Bucky? You don't want to eat?" Bucky must be starving already and no matter how tired they both were it was better to eat first then sleep. "And here are some pants for you." Surely Bucky wasn't planning to sleep naked? (He already knows they'll be sharing a bed tonight and the idea of a naked Bucky next to him fills him with both anticipation and dread.)

In the meantime he could smell the freshly delivered food from the kitchen and his stomach growls hungrily, reminding him yet again of another need he should fill soon. It smells like Italian and he silently thanked whoever it was that made the order because it was the most filling thing he can think of that can be eaten fast.

[disassembling]

He had no problem with his nudity, and he was already pulling back the bed covers to investigate the sheets when Steve arrived armed with a pair of pants. He eyed them and grudgingly took them because there was no point in a fight, slipping them over his legs and up over his hips. They were too big for him, clearly made for Steve given how he didn't actually stay here long enough to have much of a guess for his size. They were long in the leg and as usual, big in the waist, sagging against his hips.

He looked down at the loud growl of a hungry stomach from Steve before his own issued its own challenge on the matter. He glanced at the bed, wanting to go to it now but aware that he was always previously required to eat before he was put to rest. "Alright... I'll eat a little bit," he agreed grudgingly, but the smell of food made his mouth water. He wasn't planning on taking his time with this though, not like he normally did with food.

He made his way to the kitchen, following his nose and Steve and finding a seat for a lack of anything else to do. He sniffed hopefully at the air still, even as his damp hair began to drip spare water down his bare back and chest. "What is it?"

[whatsfondue]

Steve did not have a problem with nudity in general, they were both in the army and they've only just finished showering together. It was the idea of nudity and sleeping together that he thought might be too much for him, especially since they tended to gravitate towards each other in bed. He sighed internally in relief as Bucky didn't fight him on the matter, just slipped them up silently even if they were too big for him . He made a mental note to start leaving extra clothes for Bucky in the Tower as well as gave the bed sheets a quick glance (thank goodness the Captain America sheets that Tony had put in last time as a joke were gone), even if Bucky sleeping over was unlikely to happen a great deal. Much better to be prepared next time than not.

Even if Bucky said he'll eat 'a bit', Steve thought his friend will be eating more than that. It almost always turned out that once you eat the first bite, you'll be wanting more immediately until your stomach says 'stop, too full'. "Smells like Italien." Steve replied and was already opening boxes of takeout. He debated taking out proper plates then nixed the idea, knowing they're both be wanting to sleep immediately after eating and won't bother with anything more taxing then throwing away the used dirty takeout boxes. He handed a box of spaghetti to Bucky with a fork stuck into it and took a box of risotto for himself and placed a third box of cooked greens between them. "That's spaghetti and I've got risotto. Try it and if you don't like it, we'll switch."

[disassembling]

He looked at the box that he was passed, and it smelled very good to his starved nose and body. He sniffed at it, though he somehow knew spaghetti without having to be told, which chased away a little of his exhaustion. He nodded absently, though he had a doubt that he would be giving it up or trading it with Steve unless it was a little bit to share. He could never deny his friend some of his meal.

He took his first bite and, as usual, a deep contented moan escaped him as taste exploded on his tongue and mouth. He shuddered, pulling the box closer to his chest and began to eat in earnest, his damp hair clinging to his neck and cheeks. He made it through half of the box with record quickness before he sat up abruptly, licking tomato sauce from his lips and then shyly pushed the box towards Steve in silent offering of sharing before he happened to eat it all by himself. "Do you... want some?"

[whatsfondue]

Steve always liked watching Bucky eat, it was one of the few times Bucky let himself show openly how much he liked something, nothing held back or restrained. He smiled and started in on the risotto, too hungry to slow down and properly enjoy the taste of it as he usually did. As he ate, he watched as drops of water from Bucky's damp hair slid down a muscular bare chest and past the stomach to disappear into the over-large pants. He licked his lips unconsciously and forced his attention back on his food, only to look up again just in time to see Bucky lick the red sauce from his own lips, suddenly thankful it wasn't white sauce.

"Yeah, sure. Want to try some of mine? It's good too." Steve offered his own box in return, that had still plenty of risotto left in it compared to the box Bucky offered him. He bent down and twirled some of the speghetti onto his fork before popping the mouthful into his mouth with a contented hum. "I'm guessing I can restaurant as something you wouldn't mind ordering from again?"

[disassembling]

Unaware of Steve's eyes tracking water down his skin, he nonetheless was aware of his friend's proximity to his own. Of course, now that he had put at least some food in his stomach, it was hard to ignore how far he had pushed himself in his searching for his friend. "Okay, just a bit," he said softly as they switched boxes but kept their utensils to themselves.

He measured out mentally how much to eat before he dug in, swaying slightly in his seat in pleasure. He hummed softly in return to Steve, chewing thoughtfully even his head drooped a little more as he began to fill out. He only paused long enough to have a cursory amount of greens from the third box. "I guess, but I like it when you cook," he said, though he wouldn't deny right now in his current condition that food was excellent regardless of the source. He ate only his set amount and pushed the box back to Steve to finish. "Eat the rest," he ordered gruffly.

He only realized after that moment that he had finally eaten faster than Steve. It was a first in his books.

[whatsfondue]

Maybe he should learn to cook Italien then, Steve thought as he watched Bucky's enjoyment of his risotto. He can't tell which one Bucky like better. "Which one do you like better?" Risotto was probably beyond his skills no matter how much he practised but spaghetti he thought he could manage after a few tries. It looked simple enough; just sauce, pasta, beef and seasoning.

"I try to cook as much as I can but there's days like today that it's just easier to order in. Is there anything else you want me to cook next time?" Steve's already done meatloaf several times again at Bucky's request. He huffed a laugh at the order and picked up the pace of intake, since Bucky apparently is done already. (Steve refused to acknolwedge that he spent far too much time ogling staring at Bucky instead of eating.) "Yes, dear." He returned back. Soon enough he's eaten all the rest of his risotto as well as the rest of the greens and feeling sleepy.

"Let me clear out the garbage and then we can get some sleep. You can go ahead first if you like."

[disassembling]

He had to like one of them better than the other? He looked between the two boxes as Steve ate, considering what he knew of the separate tastes before a warm memory filled his head, and the edges of a smile appeared on his lips. "Spaghetti," he finally said. "I think... I used to eat it when I was... small," he added with some difficulty, trying to chase the memory but the more he did, the more it slipped away from him.

He was much too tired by then to think about meals for the future when all he could think about was that his stomach was content, his head was fuzzy and his eyes were drooping. He grunted at the 'dear' comment but didn't give any usual glare at it even as he slid from his seat and stretched his muscles, looking hopefully towards the bedroom and then at Steve.

"Wait," he said sharply when Steve tried to move off. He reached up and his flesh thumb ran over Steve's lips before collecting some sauce that had gathered at the corner of his friend's mouth. He smiled sleepily and licked the sauce off before trudging off towards the bedroom to settle in, his burrowed trousers tucked under his pillow to use in the morning.

[whatsfondue]

Steve tucked the image of that barely-there smile into his mind; Bucky smiled so seldom these days that he always wanted to take a photograph or sketch it down somehow whenever Bucky did it. He nodded slowly in response. "Yes...you did actually. I'd almost forgotten. There was a small Italien restaurant that your family was fond of that you went to as often as you could. What we just had today is good but I think that restaurant was better." Steve looked sad for a moment before shaking it away . "It's gone now of course....like most things from back then."

He reminded himself to ask Bucky again on the subject of cooking later on when both of them were more aware, only to stop in his tracks when Bucky told him to wait and stood there frozen as the sauce was brushed from his lips with a thumb and licked off. His face turned pink and he could only stand there as Bucky disappeared first into the bedroom. Taking a deep breathe to fortify himself, he went in himself, only to stop again when he spotted Bucky naked in bed.

"I don't suppose I can get you to put the pants back on?"

[disassembling]

He was tucking a leg of the sweats under his pillow so that it wouldn't be lumpy when he lay his head down, and he glanced over when Steve entered. His friend was looking better clean, fed and with the last traces of a flush fading from the man's cheeks. If he hadn't seen the bruises, scrapes and other signs of hardship, he could have thought that everything had been a bad dream. It wasn't, and he pulled back the covers to allow Steve to climb into bed more readily next to him. He was very desperately tired now.

Yet, he stiffened at the request and hiked the covers higher up his chest as if that would provide some of the necessary decency that Steve was craving from him. "Why? Does it bother you if I'm like this?" No one had seemingly ever been upset at his body after all; it was all business-like, a well-oiled machine or whatever they had begun to call it near the end there.

[whatsfondue]

Steve sighed and shook his head, rubbing the palm of his hand against one eye. It wasn't Bucky's body that was bothering him, it was his own inappropriate reactions to it. And it wasn't fair to ask Bucky to cover up in private (if they were in public it would be a different matter) when he was comfortable. "No...no. It's just...." He searched around for an excuse. "Wouldn't it chafe?" It wasn't much of an excuse as the sheets and bedcovers, like everything else in Stark Tower was of top quality.

"Never mind...didn't mean to upset you. Let's just sleep." He was really too tired to argue this. And maybe his body would be too tired to do anything it's not supposed to. He's definitely not going to strip off and follow Bucky's example though. Steve climbed into bed (it was a bigger one than the one in his own apartment) and shifted under the covers.

[disassembling]

He glanced around and shifted under the sheets, but they were soft and comfortable and there was no discomfort to laying on them. He was clean and dry as well, which would limit any chafing from happening, but it seemed that he was upsetting Steve by appearing in bed in the nude, which was the way he had once been so used to sleeping in the first place. He accepted pants because he had to, but he really, really wanted to be selfish and be comfortable for a sleep set to be as deep and comfortable as this one was setting up to be.

He shifted, watching Steve as his friend slipped into the bed and he sunk down onto his pillow even as he turned the lights off when he knew that Steve was safe in the bed. At first, he kept his distance, uncertain if he should try to move closer when his nudity seemed to have upset Steve. He tried to cuddle the pillow instead, but it wasn't the same despite his efforts to make it somehow contour to be even remotely as warm and firm as his friend.

[whatsfondue]

Usually he'd set an alarm to wake up early in the morning for a run or a workout but tomorrow he thought they'd could just sleep as long as their bodies told them to. That was his last thought or he tried to let it be his last thought before sleeping but he could feel Bucky forcing himself to stay away and knew he'd made a mistake bringing up clothes in bed. Bucky's comfort was always worth more than his own stupid feelings, he scolded himself.

He sighed and opened his eyes again, holding out one arm out in an inviting position. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or for you to feel that you have to keep your distance."

[disassembling]

He was very still in the darkness, waiting for Steve to show signs of being asleep, fighting his own body's need for it in the dark. He decided that he could risk moving closer if his friend was asleep and then he could find his own sleep and try to wake early enough to slide away so he wasn't pressed too close. Steve had just had a horrible week tramping through the jungle, and it was up to him to not only keep the man safe but content as well. If that involved sleeping in pants or whatever, he should be pleased to do so.

So he lay in wait clutching his pillow in some mock imitation of Steve and didn't move at the sudden invitation. He made a soft noise of longing at the back of his throat; it was more important Steve sleep than he wear pants was the current argument in his head. "You should sleep. You need your rest," he finally said, shifting slightly on the bed and not yet deciding to get closer.

[whatsfondue]

Steve wasn't going to sleep while Bucky was uncomfortable like this. And this was all his fault. Bucky had been comfortable and Steve ruined it by opening his big mouth. Because he'd been selfish again, thinking of his own needs before Bucky's. He'd always been a proponent of fixing his own mistakes, so he was going to fix this one. He kept his arm up and tone of voice soft and inviting. "So do you, Bucky. And you sleep best when we're close." He'll never forgive himself if he took his comfort away form Bucky.

Steve himself slept better too. The army had taught him to sleep anywhere, to take his rest whenever and wherever possible but it didn't keep the nightmares away, it didn't keep him warm. Inappropriate physical reactions or not Bucky was warm and comforting weight on him, a constant reassurance that his current life wasn't a dream.

[disassembling]

He shifted, tentative at first before he slid over the distance between them, brushing the outstretched hand with his shoulder first so that he could be stopped at any time. He waited a few seconds and when the invitation wasn't withdrawn, he eased into the spot against Steve's side, abandoning his pillow back over to the side of the bed he had just vacated. Instead, he nestled up against's his friend's side, his feet creeping in as they always did to curl around one of Steve's ankles.

Tentative, he slid his arm around his friend's waist and shifted in to settle his cheek on Steve's bare chest. His hair was still damp, but he didn't mind the coolness as he sighed and already his eyes were drooping. It was easy to settle in, easy to be comfortable like this. "...thank you."

[whatsfondue]

He hated the tentative way Bucky moved, as if Steve would push him away at any time. Never again, he old himself firmly. Never again would he give Bucky reason to doubt his welcome by Steve's side. He dropped his arm over Bucky's hips, pulling his friend firmly close after Bucky finished settling against him.

"You don't have to thank me for his...you never have to thank me for this." He whispered, dropping his head so that his chin rested on damp clean hair that still held the scent of the conditioner Bucky used. Sandalwood, he thought it might be and it was nice. "Sleep..." He murmured again as his own eyes dropped and his voice deepened, one hand reaching up and around to rub at Bucky's nape. "I'll still be here in the morning."

[disassembling]

Once Steve welcomed him so easily, he settled in and relaxed as he always did when they were together. His metal arm tightened around his friend's waist and his toes briefly stroked on any skin that they could find around Steve's ankles before they gave up in exhaustion along with the rest of him. It had been a long and difficult week, one of the worst for him personally.

He hummed softly at the order to sleep, his eyes already close and sleep closing in on him quickly. He gave a single soft grunt of acknowledgement that he had heard Steve talk and was by then too asleep to care much for the words themselves. The tone was soothing enough, and he slept long and deep, more comfortable than he had in a very long time or at least as long as he could remember.

Of course, he woke half-sprawled on Steve, only one eye daring to open briefly to take stock of the current situation, the fact that his bare chest pressed against Steve's and his hips still hung off the side of his friend's hips. His fingers lazily stroked up the sleeping man's side before he just closed his eye again and rested comfortable and with no intention of moving off even if his hair was a mess from sleeping with it wet.